..not letting go..

2009-04-20T12:28:00.002+08:00

why do ppl usually use de phrase, "if its meant to be, its meant to be" for ideologies of love.
why cant we tell ppl tt tis applies to other things too. say, our dreams.
why noone emphasize tt dreams can happen if its meant to happen. if ppl can put so much effort in dreams, why not love?
why so confident tt u can get back or get love again?
why so confident tt love hinders dream?
why so confident tt we can be truly happy without love?
why am i being a prick?
why am i unhappy always?

i need to love my dream.

(1143, in nel)

2009-04-14T12:20:00.000+08:00

im uncontrollable.
im cryin every second im alone.
in trains. at home. in school.
everywhere.
i need to go overseas.
get away rom all tis pain.
i cannot live any longer if tis goes on....

2009-04-13T12:12:00.002+08:00

im losin control.
im breakin down whenever and everywhere.
at least he'll be at home most of de time. but I have werk. i cant teach if im not stable!

i so badly need a break. a long one. one that i can just be alone and not be bothered abt de werld. abt de mechanics of livin. just think and think and think abt my screwd up life!

its so dificult to keep myself in check w THIS werld. i have to think of OTHERS and their feelins. how i might REALLY screw up my future. how I need to move on! its so FUCKIN difficult.

i hope hes happy. that im FUCKIN MISERABLE. why cant u just change ur FUCKIN MIND like how u changed ur FUCKIN HEART.

well, i guess u no longer have a heart. which speaks volume.

im not strong. i can pretend to be. and when de curtain really falls down, im back to bein me. weak.

AND DONT FUCKIN THINK THAT IM NOT TRYIN! IM FUCKIN TRYIN YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE. YOU FUCKIN JERK. DONT YOU EVER DARE TO THINK I DONT TRY!!!!

2009-04-12T15:34:00.002+08:00

its as though youre purposely hurtin me. im fuckin miserable each second. im rude to my family.

FUCKKKKK!!!
ive GOT to hold on! cos YOURE NO LONGER WORTH DE PAIN.

FUCK YOU HANIS. FUCK YOU.

2009-04-12T04:55:00.003+08:00

youve TOTALLY changed and i no longer know you.
im not gonna wait and hurt somemore.
im gonna settle down with whoever that fancies me.
im gonna get sufiyan.
once i have him, i know he'll stay till de end.

just dont blame me Again. have fun living your Single and Fun life. more Mat stuffs to try dude. have your fun! tis was whad YOU wanted anyway.

2009-04-12T04:36:00.000+08:00

you dont have to go offline everytime i come online!
fuckin subtle. good job.

2009-04-12T04:21:00.002+08:00

i just did smtg and i dont feel gd. it reminded me of old times and it suckd. i just had to do it if not whads de point aft goin thru many websites. it didnt last and it made me feel even sicker.

it made me missd our old times. how i loved de way he treatd me. with love and passion. and heart.

i need to eat my meds soon. im feelin suicidal right now..

2009-04-12T02:31:00.000+08:00

i love sittin one corner like a true blue minah and just ppl watch.

i realise i really hate anythin tts related to gigs, music, musicians, gigs, BANDS, concerts, fuckin gigs and many many people in black lookin all poser-ish. it FUCKIN irks me. FUCKIN SICK OF IT!!!!!

once a while okaylah. but constantly.. damn fuckn irritatin. just seein it. THANK GOD my gfs are sane ppl. we are minahs in our own way. de less poser-ish i-wanna-be-a-rockstar way.

fuckin gigs. fuckin life.

gettin pissd is de best way to live my life now. i need a fuckin release sooon!!!! sufiyan where r you!!!!!

2009-04-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

life truly sucks. everywhere i go, i see couples. holdin hands, givin each others pecks on de cheeks, huggin each other tightly, laughin at each other, smilin to each other, lookin at each other w so much passion and love.
wheres de love, right?

sighh. its just so difficult. i dont want to be near him anymore. i just want to stay away. bcos bein so near yet so far is FUCKIN FRUSTRATIN! i just feel sooooooooooo inadequate! like, is smtg Wrong with me? why dont i have you?? like sighhh...

soeffinfuckdup.

all i can do know is exhale. and loudly too! thats whad ive realised. its bcomin a bad habit and too obvious. i need to start pretendin. u dont always get whad u want when u bite a chocolate from a box of mixes rightt? so yeah. i have my ups and downs. but mainly downs. LOTS of it.

i need to try my best to stay away. not that hes TRYIN now anyway. to be a friend. a Best friend. how dare he actally thinks that way! when we dont talk and share anythin tgt! so fuckin messd up!

he'll get pissd if i say tt hes usin me. but isnt he!!? for one, maybe he isnt bcos hes NOT tryin to be friends. thats obvious, so i guess he always DOES have his reasons. hes always managed to coverup his ass. hes always managed to be soo nice.
is there even SUCH a person?! like nat used to tell me, nobody/no guy is that nice. smtg along those werds.
maybe there isnt. maybe otherwise.

SIGHHH. FUCKIN FUCKD UP!!!!!!!

2006-01-03T17:22:00.000+08:00

ive moved!!! www.snabsism.blogspot.com

2005-12-15T12:52:00.000+08:00

im doin opr duty now. discreetly bloggin even though im at the reception area la.

.i miss hanis.

i want my reward!!!

2005-12-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

WE'RE BACK!!!!

IM IN A STATE OF EUPHORIA... SO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE THIS FEELING.

IM IN LOVE AGAIN.

2005-11-29T13:59:00.000+08:00

imintohtuckcampus. dance camp. supposed to mixed songs.anw, read a blog. alot of entries. how come no one tagd me? so sad. hanis was right. he does have more fans than me.

chao.

2005-11-11T04:11:00.000+08:00

farhana reminded me of my pretense-of-a-Bollywood-scene pics that ive yet to upload. so there you are guys. feast your eyes on my dumbity.

.rolling.alone.

.bro.joind.forces.

.pretense.over.and.we.are.sad.

.but.we.regaind.absurdity.and.slides.down.hill.

.this.was.how.far.we.were.

.bet.this.is.a.better.picture.of.how.far.we.were.

.actually.those.previous.pics.were.taken.at.hill.behind.us.
from.this.corridor.

thats it ah guys. stop thinkin im a Loseristic kid la. i can be quite normal too. like in this next pic....

.de.huge.dining.area.

...and i can be sweet and nice as well...

.mili/mia.me.lynn.bro.

okay la. more abnormalities from me soon. so, stay in check!

Me and my new Boyfriend

2005-11-09T00:40:00.000+08:00

.me.boyfren.
Originally uploaded by snabs.

nice or not? dont we lo0k compatible.

no details. tis is my private life. just intro.

1st day of Raya

2005-11-07T15:42:00.000+08:00

.family.portrait.
Originally uploaded by snabs.

this is my famili photo for de first day of raya. this was like de how many times ready la.. even in this one got some cockup. like my gay's smile. urgh. damn leceh la taking family photo.

nothin much to blog. still in scho0l doin op. im done la but need to memorise de freakin speech.

wish me luck! my op on wed. God Bless ME.

COME MY HOUSE FOR RAYA GUYS!

2005-11-05T01:21:00.000+08:00

almost everyone is preparin their speech for de rehearsal later on. i dint know that we'll be doin our presentation in front of others classes as well. well, it doesnt make much difference that i know about it now either. im still bloggin.

yesterday was de 1st day Hari Raya. i dont wanna brag but i think my family lo0ks damn nice yesterday. we wore blo0d red with black details here and there. we actually planned to wear just 'red' tis year but de black details just match de whole outfit. and with de car in black, we lo0k oh-so-*bootiful.

yesterday was also de first day i went to busu's place. God, it was DAMN huge la. she bought a Jumbo unit in Marsiling. it was DAMN nice la. and its facing a park. actually de park is up de hill of greenery thats directly facing my aunts unit. then de crazeee sid eof me startd jumpin around within me. togetehr with my bro, de 1st one, we went up de hill which was almost de same level as my aunts unit, and we to0k sto0pid poses. (will post de pics asap) my aunt and uncle then told us to roll down de hill like in some Hindi movie. i couldnt la bcoz i was wearin tudong (muslim headgear for women) and al. if it wasnt for de tudong and baju kurong, i would have rolld down for sure. so we had to compromise and pretend that we are about to roll. damn funny la. and surprisinly, my aunt and uncle were amused by it. they are on DAMN 'ON' bunch la. my parents who were in de dining hall could see us on de hill too thru tis window at de corridor in de house. that was how high and steep de hill was.

then late at night, at around 12plus. i went to ahmad's blk. i had to ask ahmad to print me my speech for today which my grp leader sent thru email. i dont have internet for now so i had to depend on de Nearest source of internet connection. ahmad's blk is an 8 min normal-paced walk. felt so bad la coz ive kept askin him to help me do tis kinda shit for sometime now. and i had a feelin that he'll be comin down in his baju kurong, which he did la. thank god i was already home and had taken a bath coz ahmad's baju kurong was of similar colour to mine!! that was damn funny la. we could lo0k like siblings, balls! anw, i paid 1o0 bucks to ahmad as well. i owe him 199 buckies. well, hes a nice fella la ah. oh, i taggd my gay bro along as well coz it was damn late la. everyone was already asleep and luckily he was still awake.

after ive reachd home, i began practising my speech till 1 plus. to show my gratitude, i co0kd for him maggie mee. okay la, he askd my help to co0k maggie. gay is independent when my parents are asleep and hes afraid of me. haziq haziq...

okayla. oh wait!! i... ah nvm. nothing great anyway. its just dance.

okayla. gotta go and pee. then, TRY to memorise my speech. and wait for my parents to come take my reportbo0k.

SLAMAT HARI RAYA EVERYONE.
Jalan Raye: Friends of Zoo (FOZ) - 11th & 13th
MI (o4b3 & o4b5) - 17th
Peicai - entah eh? =)

*"Its A Bootiful Day" is a song from our local S'poreans who studied/stayed at Australia. their bands name is damn cute but i cant rmbr.

2005-10-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

i dint get my report bo0k today. which means that im in de either Advanced or Retained category.

i couldnt be bothered. seriously. im actually considerin retainin even if i get advanced. coz mr azlan said my foundation is weak.

contemplatin still. but people (friends) really wants me to stay if i get advanced. aini even said to aishahj and farhana to force me study wit them next year.

im blessd to have really caring friends. from secondary to tertiary to colleagues. i really appreciate their sincerity, kindness and whad-have-yous.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

i have no idea why i commented on de friends part. anw, im lo0kin forward to saturdays audition. im so0o0 lo0kin forward to DANCE!!!!

I WANNA THANK KHAIRUZ FROM 04B4 OF MILLENNIA INSTITUTE FOR SAVING MY ZEN!!!!
it was about to explode coz de freakin thing jammd. (he's just beside me but he didnt notice tis entry)

aku 'up' kan duit raye kau..

ive got loads to type actually.. for de past week. but now blank. hah.

im gonna go for malay now. A level Malay AO tis monday. shit.

and i have to get my result on de 2nd day of raye!! ive got pw on that day!!! waaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!

.we.are.de.champion.

2005-10-18T03:33:00.000+08:00

.we.are.de.champion.
Originally uploaded by snabs.

tis was taken durin sports day tis yr. we were damn 'on' la. got mascot la (it costs us 6o bucks), flags and banners la.. barcode-inspired identity paintd on our faces and hands.. WE WERE UNITED MAN!!! Both campuses as one!

we won ALL Champions Title - CHAMPION for CHEERLEADIN, CHAMPION for TEAM SPIRIT, CHAMPION HOUSE.
therefore makin us OVERALL CHAMPION of the CHAMPIONS!!!!
ONYX rocks!!!!!

my main aim of tis entry is to type on whad my friend said to me just now. she commentd that me and adi lo0kd like a couple when she saw our pic. i was like "why?" she said we lo0k alike. well, ija and few others told me de same thing before once to0.
ive heard tis thesis. i got it ard a year ago or so. but i thats a lie la.. he got so nice features know (sharp nose, nice eyes..) while i lo0k like my features just pop out wherever it wants.

de point that i wanna make is...
I STILL WANNA BE SINGLE!!!!

pw sucks la. in comp lab now. wit all other pre u 2s. written report handed up by today. im draind.

2005-10-15T06:45:00.000+08:00

im in scho0l lab. we did pw. urgh.

but it wasnt bad. actually, its very united. everyone.

okla. i wanna go home.

btw, hairie wants me to write somethin about him.

umm... hairie, you're our class rep.

yeay!

2005-10-08T02:55:00.000+08:00

lets start with something nice today shall we?

hanis's blog is damn nice. i especially love de GReen werds that made very stark contrast on his forever plain-white template. hey, dont get angry hanis. you're a stoner remember? besides, im gonna stay true to my heart and mind.. so i will say whad i would like to say.
Go and relek at your corner.

now, shall we burst out our emotions for de day?

firstly, i was late for scho0l. that was okay bcoz i did it on purpose for i didnt wanna attend assembly. whad was not Okay was taht i was late for my Geog paper! but it was a mere 5 mins or so. de same amount of time that i had left for de paper to stone. seriously. i just stared at de essay question. write some crap which doesnt link and there you go! a 1 mark worth of an answer for a 25 mark essay. how wonderful!!

2 funny things happend though during de paper.

1. farhans phone rang durin de paper. he was seatd at de rear of de exam hall, two seats away on my left. farhan bein farhan.. was full of reactions when he found out that it was his phone that has caused a stir in de exam hall. it was damn funny la. he was mouthin to his classmate on his left that it was his phone with his hands al over de place. very farhan. then i whisperd to him to just own up and go. when farhan slowly rise from his seat, de invigilator was like "is that yours?". farhan nodded slowly and walkd towards his phone. i gave a chuckle. (why does it seem like a story from a storybo0k. anw, sonia had tried to stop herself from laughin as well but when she heard me laugh, she let it out to0 la.

2. i dint manage to do 3 drqs. (wow. thats alot of marks. i just realised) anw, i was wasting my 10 mins before de time is up to write my name on all de papers ive written. when i wantd to tie de pieces together i thot i didnt have de string. mr desmond tan was standin just an arms length in front of me. i was about to raise my hand to ask for a string but he extended his hand and placed de string that was already on my desk in front of me. so i gave de "oh" lo0k la and thankd him. then he saw my front cover and pointd at section a which i lacked (de 3 drqs). i lo0kd at him and mouthed at him a "no time la cher" response. plus i couldnt be bothered la. then he gave a Very shockd face. that was damn classic la. his eyes were like poppin, mouth wide open. told sonia, she sat in front of me, whad happend and she couldnt stop laughin. oh. and she was so nice! she had wantd to stall for more time when de teacher was sayin (at 7.55) that they gonna wait for 5 more mins for those who have not come. she wanted to say that her table was shaky la.. for me! schweet right?! thats when i came.

im so screwd la okay. im retainin for sure. its not a prayer. its just a very great truth that is inevitable.

accounts paper 1 later. and im here bloggin.
im not even prepared for it la. i skimmd thru accounts. you cant skim thru accounts. you have to practice!

that will answer de "stop sayin that you'll retain" question in your mind.

The Night BeFore GP Exam

2005-09-30T09:09:00.000+08:00

ka
Originally uploaded by snabs.

Anugerah 20o5. im wasnt enthu at first la coz its always de same thing each year. i do, however, realised de grand-ness of tis years event, whad with de trailers and pre-finals perfomance or so. and it was different from previous years. they have only 4 finalist yest; givin them alot of opportunities to sing - 4 rounds in all.

i'll cut tis short. basically, ive never, NEVER vote for someone so0o0 much that i lost count (wit de other fact that im forgetful, of course) but i truly voted alot fo KHAIRUL ANUAR!!!!
wah!!!! KHAIRUL ANUAR is DAMN GOooOOOOoD la!!!!! i dont regret votin, even if he doesnt win. he has de MOST UNIQUE voice ive ever heard!!! GOD!!!! im so0o0o0 all over him la!!! i thot of him when i woke up tis mornin and before i slept last night. i was thinkin and picturin that he'd still be at Mediacorp studios eatin or smtg backstage or at de foyer while im staring at de ceiling, waitin to fall asleep.

i think im crazy.

ah! call me crazy or whadever. im happy being me. and KHAIRUL ANUAR is my Bf no. 4.

you guys shuld be at my place man.. it was hell of a KECOH! at first, like i mentioned, i wasnt really into it la. i just wantd to catch de finals for de aske of watchin de climax la - whos gonna be de 'Juara'(winner). eventually, i fell in love with KHAirul's voice! GOD!!! he's so0 freakin UNIQUE!!! ive never voted for someone so much and screamed so0 much for someone that i dont know. not even Taufiq, man.

KHAirul is one hell of a talent. he was de one who managed to grab de attention of de 'importd judge', Edry from KRU. Edry even made a plea of sort, lo0kin directly into de camera and askin audiences to vote for KHAirul. GOD! KHAIrul was psychd la! de same judge even said that KHAirul was "at de top of my list", after 3 rounds of somewhad "average" performances. Edry, you go dude!

oh.. i was sayin.. god.. KHAirul is so magnificent that he got de four of us (me, my mom, my bro n gay) debatin and criticisin de other contestants. gay (my last bro) was votin for Fauzie Laily la, with de reason that Fauzie lo0ks like his frend, ahmad smtg. whaaaaaaad only la! so we whackd him. verbally. towards de end my mom was like "Ain, vote somemore for KHAirul". i was like waaaaah!!!!! well, i couldnt stop votin durin de first guest singer la. even if she dint say that, i'll continue votin. and just moments before they announced de winner, i was surprising silent as if im de one whos gonna win, my bro was like "KHAIrul!!!!" to think that he was actually zoinkd durin de whole show, showin no form of favoritism.

thats whad KHAIrul is.
why am i so all over him??!!! well, honestly, i dint really keep up wit de whole process of Anugerah 20o5, bearin in mind de perpetual concept and ambience of de show each year. so i sorta regret that. and i honestly thot that KHAirul has de weirdest voice la. i think practically everyone who heard him talk before will either mock or chuckle la. like whad Kumar said last week to KHAirul(my mom told me tis when she was psychd over KHAirul to0 yest) "when you talk your voice sound 'terkepit' (squeezed) but when you sing your voice sound loud and manly". smtg like that. KHAirul was offended la when askd backstaged but hey! its that difference in him that makes him get to de top!!!! wo0ho0!!

when i read de paper after de show, i saw tis pic of KHAIRUL ANUAR in it. it was as if they knew he's de cream of de crop and that hes de ONE. whad else cud be de reason for not puttin de pics of de other 3 fellas but his?

anw, tis mornin, a number of us (my friends) so agree with me. so we teasd ija, who ro0td for azmir. or khairil. most probly, azmir. farhana got a cursed msg from ija yest night coz KHAirul won. damn funny la that girl. we gonna do dsturb her again later durin break or whenever we/i see her.

you wudntt believe tis, but i had actually told myself that if he were to make an album... im gonna get it.

well, after tis whole entry, you probably will.

i think azmir is boring.
(ija's gonna kill me)

tis entry shows how prepared i am for my GP exam later on tis afterno0n.

2005-09-28T23:39:00.000+08:00

i have to make myself clear.

im not going out with ahmad nor am i with him.

he already has a target la btw. and its not me. how i know? because he told me.

dont come up with assumptions ah guys.

im still single-kemingle

thats all i have to type out. make myself clear.

oh oh oh!!! im gonna add my next target. im gonna nicknamed him - Mr Pwio. hes DAMN HOT la!!!! de friendster pic is.... WAH!!!!!!! makes me FUCKIN melt!!!

he lo0ks so like my 1st Bf - Jon Johnson. he really lo0ks like a model la...WAH!!! DAMN YUMMY LA!!!

i cant rmbr whos my 2nd Bf btw.

anw, 3rd Bf is Mr Pwio.

now Go Away. let me daydream.

2005-09-23T02:54:00.000+08:00

okay.. my malay teacher neber come. we have free periods..!! PW teacher neber come also.. but stil got PW. bleargh.

eee... so 'manjenised'. nvm.

yest, i was so strong .. that i tiny push of de USB cable into de hub.. caused de whole CPU to retreat and.. this happend...

i went to catch Night watch that day right? de movie wasnt that bad la. i guess de special effects as all are go0d. but i stil felt cheatd. coz it stated 'English' on de tv screen at de ticket counter but de movie was mostly in this foreign language, either German or Russian. so basically, it was more oh 'English' SUBTITLE. damn cheatd la..

cramp seh

guess who?

SUNTEC DANCE 2o05

.danceVP,P&EX-P.

damn go0d lo0kin guy la!!! :melts:

BLO0D DONATION, 21st Sept 2o05

i donated blo0d yesterday!!

and no.. i dint cry.

aisyah tamak (greedy) seh..

semangat seh.. blo0d donors!!

semangat giler sak..

yeay.merdeka.

A FEW DAYS BACK, AT HOME

BIG right de seashell..?! dont know where my grandmother pick up from seh..

oh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AKBAR AND HIDAYAH (04b5)

22nd. mmm.. :all smiley:

2005-09-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

sorry fer not updatin on de Night Watch movie. i'll do it asap. but not today. therefore, ive decide to put up pics.

geog trip around chinatown. went to dick hill.

then, mai has spasm.

and then, she passed it to me.

eventually, all of us had spasm!

and when i met khai, i passd it to him to0.

hahaha... all of de photos are so coincidentally wacky that i managed to come up with a story.

modern dancers at nus reflections.

im with de same person who passd me de spasm. she lo0ks diff when she doesnt have it(spasm) right?

i put this pic up because i realised that de pic was nice. not because im in it. but because de werd 'ngee ann city' acts as a background accidentally.

gotta go now. im late for class. like 9 mins ago.

ouh.. im donating blo0d later! im 46 kg now!!

2005-09-20T05:25:00.000+08:00

this will be a quickie. (haha!)

saturday was a turnin point for me. i wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to MD.JOHAN for helpin me, us. he was very concernd for us. i honestly truly appreciate that. and thank you to0 Ahmad, for somehow poppin by my blog and showin your concern. that is so not you la..
lastly, i wanna thank Hanis, for bein such a nice fella as always, as we managed to reach a compromise. i seriously hope you're okay with it. so YOU BETTER STOP AVOIDIN ME.

all is well now. thanks to the new people who have enteed my life.
not forgettin de ol'. i love all of you guys.

p/s: try not to watch NightWatch. its a very crappy do0dle movie sia.. update that tmrw.

2005-09-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

tears are welling up in my eyes. heart so heavy. only one person does this to me.

it seems that some people in your life have either forgotten or just refuse to remember you.

here i am, cryin in de scho0l library, typin this entry. i dont wanna emo. ive got my mt paper today.

but its better that i cry now than later, during de paper.

i just hope that with new friends found, you've not forgotten de old. im not only referrin to myself alone. those old friends who used to be there for you, whom you've discarded them (or at least thats whad they feel) for new friends. they want to be close to you as before but you're hiding in your shell. distancin yourself because of pathetic personal reasons.

ive lost. ive lost alot of things in life before. but nothin.. NOTHIN compared to losing you. it hurts. it still hurts...

im so sorry for this entry. it eventually turnd out into a blaming-n-vent-my-emotions entry.

i cant curse for nuts today (cause i cant and i dont want to), but why.. FREAKIN WHY today?!! you've got your Promos MT paper later on!!! why did you sto0pidly have to do it today Siti, vhy?!

sigh. life must go on. or i'll just "drag" it with me...

2005-09-16T04:56:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a FUN and thrilling night!!!!!!

and i nearly died to0.
thats because of this bangla (i suppose) who just seems to appear out of nowhere from de left side of de road and nearly made us hit a car. my friend said this,"macam hantu seh die kluar..". he really did pop out from nowhere like a ghost. its at night and he wasnt wearin light coloured clothing. STOo0Oo0PID INDIAN! im so sorry if i offended anyone but he really made me scared out of my wits! that was my first ride after 10 years! and last time my dad doesnt speed! well, he(my friend) said that wasnt speedin. thats whad he thought!!!

and i had to balance de weight of my head. which most probably weigh equally to my torso. ive never had a BIG head!

oh i ate at Fish & Co. which turns out to be NOT halal!! damn. but i just ate pasta. and a passion (fruit) drink. and i got high and started crappin alot. alot.

wheeeee....!!!!

2005-09-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

im a happy puppy now!!

which eventually means that im a happy bitch.
im still happy. =D

2005-09-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

why do people wanna give up when they've done so much?! and especially if they motivate others to do the same thing (done so much or change)? why?!

this is supported by MY (and many other common named people) song : SITI, Dont Give Up.

i really dont know whad to update you guys about. lifes been pretty go0d i suppose. untill this very moment. after reading some entries by Friends, i just feel.. overwhelmd. my heart feels heavy and im suddenly sad. such an impact can an entry do.

im lettin myself emo now. this is bad. i dont wanna emo. emo-ing gets in my way to buck up. to change. to enjoy life. yet, i still do. because, as much as im able to forget and enjoy each day anew, there'll be a point/day that i'll emo again. it'll just come flo0din back unexpectedly, usually after a hiatus from my last emo session.

yesterday, in de toilet while bathing (dont let your imaginations run wild coz theres nothin to imagine about), i suddenly recall de time de two of us..... God!!! i cant remember. its nothin crude just something that wasnt really important to me that time because its nothin grand or worth my memory space then. but it flashd back yesterday and i stand in de toilet, smilin as i reminisced de past. well, somehow God has decided to block it out of my mind for now. maybe he doesnt want me to emo, since im feelin better as every minute passed. damn it.

ouh. i realised that ive not curse for sometime. thats go0d ey..

btw, NAT, you havent confirm wit mua! how saturday??

oh.. and does anyone knows when is de Suntec 20o5 dance competition Finals? tag me if you do ya..

shit la.. im still iritated that i cant recall that bit of memory. that memory reminded me of another memory i recalld to0 a few weeks back.

im a freakin Dory.

okay, de toilet is callin me. shit la.. (literally). maybe then will i recall again.

2005-09-13T05:07:00.000+08:00

ive got loads to type. but none in my mind now. how fun.

think.. think... (jimmy neutron zaps into my mind)

lets shee...

hmmm....

ive got loads to type. but none in my mind now. how fun. how fun.

2005-09-07T07:19:00.000+08:00

i got tis poem from my aunt. and she included tis line : "I believe whatever God has in store for us will be for us. The poem is very true, unfortunately." well, its a chain letter crap. thats why she said de former sentence.

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on ,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished
friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love s omeone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time
it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends
and family, for they have helped
make you the person that you are today.

anw, just in case this chain letter thingy came true, i just wanna let this people know that i love them...

....my parents and siblings
....my family members
....my friends, new and old, close ones and those that i just say "hi" to
....lastly, hanis.
i still do.

i might not have a tinge of emotion on de meanin of love now esp when i said i love my parents. not yet. one day, i'll definitely come to realise that. that i do love them. actually, i was thinkin of smtg bad happening to them and how my life would be then. i think i will just stone. honestly. i had na-da feelings. im so apathetic. ( ithink i used de right word.. right?) maybe, its a go0d thing la. coz i can die if im to0 emotional. so i have to be numb so that i can carry on with life.

i guess that even though i have evil intentions and be feeling-less towards my family and friends, its for a reason. God has His reasons for making me feel that way.

Alhamdulillah. Amin.

2005-09-07T06:28:00.000+08:00

im damn lazy to type anytin nowadays though quite alot of stuffs happened. go0d stuffs. go0d shit. hahah.. lame and personal thingy. nvm.

actually ive got lots to type. when im at home esp la but now in scho0l.. im damn zoinkd la. so basically tis entry is redundant.

however... ive got to make this VERY clear.

IM NOT WITH AHMAD!!

people (lots of them) are hintin and teasin me with this Big Burly CanniBAll guy calld ahmad. some even askd whether he has a chance! GOD.

im not ready.

that does not mean that im desperate either. just becoz i give lots of gifts. sorry if i offended anyone. just wanna make things clear. so dont judge me.

ah..! do whadever you guys want la. judge me ke.. gossip about me ke.. i wont give a damn. and im not angry. just.. overwhelmd.

thank you.

2005-09-03T01:20:00.000+08:00

usually i type my entry before reading others. but today i did de opposite. people are havin fun.

its go0d that we have fun. it destresses us. whad cockin english was that? anw, im in de library full of year 3s waitin (perhaps) for their GP Prelim Paper to start. i kept glancin at andrew. wanna wish him luck. not that he needed any i suppose since he always pass and ace his GP.

lets see whad i have been up to for de past week or so.

27th August o5
went to catch hakim dance. was late but managed to watch his. ex dance pre, farhana, was there withher friends and sam, dance vp now, and her friend. hes our proposed instructor for next years anti drugs. there were kinky dance, bondage dance (with belts and tight fittin j'los low cut front though they wore tubes inside) and i managed to catch 2 junior dancers who were FUcKIn GEWd!!! one was banghra. that boy was cute and damn 'on' la. de next one was de BEST! he mo0nwalkd and stuff. very MJ!!! then he break and dance hip hop!!! and hes only 11!!!! fuck!

then i went to celebrate Siti Natasha Bte Ramlan's 2 days in advanced burthday. we went to Fluid Bar, near raffles mrt. clever burthday girl made it into a reunion. so i met de 4 (hot?)nurses, jerome, kim, char and gen. nearly emoed and fell asleep but got whackd by nat.was also there was this band, tiramisu, and de vocalist was uber funny. de way he sing, move and dance. and de rest of de band mates were lo0kin so stone. went home at 3 plus though intended to take de first train home. surprisingly, my mom allowed despite me havin a plan b before hand. and no i dint lie. i was very honest that i was shockd myself. i reassured practically everyone in de house that im not drinkin and smokin (passively ya la). and they slept quite late coz of me. in de cab me, nat and fart (they're my real friends and not some imaginary characters coz i wasnt freakin drunk since i dint freakin drink) were talkin bout de guys they are apparently close to now. or for farts case, being sorta "stalkd" by. and de 3 of us are close to saints! not Saints saint but saint boys. sas boys. kinda weird. de two sitis are with de two hans. (didnt wanna disclose their names for i dont wanna get beaten up by de 2 sitis)
hey. im with a hans to0. or at least, i Was with a hans. with an 'i' somewhere in between.

DRunk?! No0...

DRunk?! No0... no0..

oh and i met our lost RAnger. Go Go Power Rangers!

29th August o5
went to buy teachers day gifts at tanglin shoppin centre. then walkd to lucky plaza to eat. head to ps after that to get more stuffs. saw nice stuffs. wanna buy nice stuffs. wishd nat.

30th August o5
skippd scho0l (with mc though). went for accounts only then head to toh tuck for dance prac. wasted my 2.5o doctors fees, mc and medicines coz no gp last 2 periods which means i can still go for dance after my accounts which was before gp. get it? fucks.

anw, rehearsal. my dancers are very obligin. i love them. coz there was a time where it was quite distractin to practice in de hall when other performances are on stage. and so i got fed up and irritated and kinda pissd with de whole group. when i turn my back against them to let it out to my teacher in charge, ms fo0ng, she comfortd me and then suddenly said "lo0k. they're already practisin on their own". and i turnd around to see them countin out loud and tryin hard to concentrate. it was touchin to see that. and ms fo0ng just laughd and i had no choice but to smile. im proud of them.

becasue of dance, i was late for my 'date' (yeah right). had promised ahmad to meet at clementi at 5. i was still in scho0l at 6.3o. anw, told ahamd to fetch me somewhere outside scho0l and we head to shaw tower/buildin/whadever to catch red eye. i got free tics and we had de choice of either free sittin for two or couple seats which was great. never knew how couple seats are like and it was at de very rear of de cinema. we chose corner normal seats. quite apart from de majority.

canniBALL - people eat people. ahmad is full of nonsense. which in turn made me point out that city hall was suntec. and lots other nonsense that ended us up with a draw of 3-3. but im sure it was 4-3. or 4-4. whadever.

31st August o5.
had dance performance and we were great! i think that was our Best one so far. everyone did a great job! Kudos to MI Modern Dancers!!! gave prezzies to teachers.

earlier on in bartley campus before de bartley side dancers head to toh tuck for performance.

she was touchd by my classmates song which they wrote about her. titled "Michelle" - her name.

went back to peicai. dint regret that. met alot of ol frens!!! talkd to people i rarly talkd to such as calvin chan aka jia chun (wrong spelling.. confirm). then 8 of us who were not close at al after leavin scho0l, went to eat and later hang out at de open roof top of esplanade where we emoed (i emoed de most!) and let out our darkest secrets. i let out de most la. coz i find it most therapeutic. and i cried for my friend. i couldnt be bothered by whad people wanna think of me. i just let it out. it was a very very promising day. i guess secondary scho0l friends do have our backs at times in need. i felt so overwhelmd by de people around me. we went home around 9 plus. de hougang people and serango0n people promised to go out de next day. to east coast park.

back in Peicai
these are de crazeee people that made my day except for yan, boncit and syukur who werent there til de night. hisyam was freakin horny by night time and al over fart who sadly, encouraged him. so they had ONS.

1st September o5
we slackd by de beach!!! fun fun fun day! despite de rain, we still had fun. managed to run into a tentage. no orgy. okay. that was gross. anw, yesterday was like our yesteryears. i recalld our block catching days especiallyafter track trainings last time. izwan recalld that to0. it was fun. i was draggd into water by izwan but i managed to lo0sen myself from his grip. and nizam wore my op board shorts! hes damn small la. small butt. like mua! playd frisbee with this frisbee-like plastic. it actually flies like a frisbee amazingly. went to eat again (went to eat at de same place before we went to ecp to0) after that at parkway parades banquet. bikini suit wet, no extra undergarments at all. go figure.
p/s: and i wore a skirt. fuckin weird.

today? nothin much. im damn tired. but im gonna be busy later on.

oh i had a very memorable dream. kinda lame though. and its not wet.

2005-08-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

nowadays im really lazy to blog. im not sure why either. but im still doin it coz i wanna let ppl know abt my life. esp those funny or memoreable moments. just to let you guys know. and it makes me feel go0d.

anw, yest eve i was quite upset over something you guys may think stupid. it was over a dance. not gonna elaborate. but after i told a close friend/sis of mine, de feelin just zappd away. its like when i told her, de feelin escaped me thru my words. then i felt nothin anymore bout de dance. and im still with my stand that emotions can make you retaliate or become unrational. such was my case.

now, lets feast on some photos taken over de past week or so. not in order. photos time are wrong coz i just uploaded them.

okayla. chow chin chow.

Go Go POwer Rangers!!! (Part 1)

2005-08-26T09:35:00.000+08:00

IMG_0196[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

"RAngers! NOw!" (morphin into our super tight spandex with evry corner and inch of our body protrudin..)

Go Go POwer Rangers!

2005-08-26T09:33:00.000+08:00

IMG_0198[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

"Megazoid.. now!"

(i have no idea how i now its calld a megazoid. it just flashd thru my puny brain full of junk fo0d)

lucky ass

2005-08-26T09:22:00.000+08:00

IMG_0187[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

he has a shop named after him!!!!
i also want!!! despite havin a very common name, i rarely see a shop named Siti. must be to0 common.

im gonna change my name.

hanisiti

2005-08-26T09:20:00.000+08:00

IMG_0181[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

i designd this lo0ong ago. lo0ks like superman logo from first glance right?!
heh.

we're all in de same boat.. i mean, basket.

2005-08-26T09:18:00.000+08:00

IMG_0167[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

thats b'day gerl and her co0kie monster that i bought for her. actually its for her elder sis whos forever jealous. cannot share me with this babe in pic.

im so irresistable...
(wah.. de memories are comin back)

LYnn.. B'day Gerl. 1 year.

2005-08-26T09:14:00.000+08:00

IMG_0164[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

i wonder whad pose shes gonna have next year.

god! whad abt when shes 19?!

me and mia!! (part 2)

2005-08-26T09:12:00.000+08:00

IMG_0161[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

again, ignore de same person as de previous photo.

aint she (mia) cute!!
coz she has me as her auntie. (wahahah..)

me and mia!

2005-08-26T09:10:00.000+08:00

IMG_0160[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

ignore de left person.

mia or amelia (used to call her mili) is my fav cousin. shes photogenic despite bein 2 years plus.

oh, so that makes her sis Lynn, 1 year.

and she adores me. (wahaha..)

advertisement ah?

2005-08-26T09:08:00.000+08:00

IMG_0145[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

lo0k so convincin. can can.. can be advertisement la tis pic.

btw, this is de mommy. my aunty.

eat eat!!

2005-08-26T09:05:00.000+08:00

IMG_0137[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

yummy cake. lo0ks very pink and girly but yummy.

Lynns b'day (i cant rmbr when)

2005-08-26T09:03:00.000+08:00

IMG_0125[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

okay. i think its de 16th or 17th of aug.

anw, today is her dads b'day! HAPPY B'DAY UNCA!

30th her moms.

celebratin nats b'day tmrw.

im goin broke.

"COo0KiE!! Uum yuM YUm YUm!!!

2005-08-26T09:00:00.000+08:00

IMG_0169[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

its ironic right? no teeth but eats co0kies like nobody's business. fyi, de one on de right is not de puppeteer (whadever de spellin).

hes my banker. (wahahah..)

4 main items

2005-08-26T08:57:00.000+08:00

IMG_0183[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

my quite new pencil case, Lays chips which have been chompd down by 'hungry ghosts' i presume aka siblings, a photo of him (to motivate and challenge me at de same time. not forgettin for de sweet times), an I-LOVE-YOU grey bear from him on V.Day this year and lastly, my new GREEN bottle.

oh theres 5 items.

my current study table

2005-08-26T08:53:00.000+08:00

IMG_0184[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

there you go. a peek into my forever messy ro0m. and this is just de study table. as you can see, i was studyin. and i was. honest.

IMG_0195[1]

2005-08-26T08:51:00.000+08:00

IMG_0195[1]
Originally uploaded by snabs.

we went to watch de maid. first movie EVER that i gave a tiny shriek/scream. ive NEVER done that. de most that i'll do is to gasp very loudly. so embarrassin. ahmad laughd at me. sto0pid shit. was funny cos me n johan were in de middle of ahmad and mahen (plannd to sit that way) and when we (johan n me) anticipated that de ghost or smtg scary gonna pop out, we diverged- me towards ahmad on de left, him towards mahen on right. damn funny. damn tense la then. and at those 'calmer' parts (sounds wrong), we converged back to de middle. me n johan were conversin on how we dread or anticipate a part. "not again.." and a guy bside mahen practically jumpd out of his chair. seriously.

2005-08-24T03:45:00.000+08:00

im suppose to update yest, all de past few days life but cock ups cock ups....
next time la.

whad a day man yest!

im gonna make it short and sweet.

went to funan. take modem. then i saw taufik batisah. think he was about to run away when he saw me. well, im not like those psychotic girls that go "aaaaah!!!! taufik!!!" no offence friends.

and i lost my discman. blardie fucker. if i find out who im gonna screw him/her upside down even though im not really botherd by de loss. just that im fuckin bored la in de bus!

had my first mandarin lesson yest. we combined with de night safarians. it was fun. and funny!! sarimah said to khairuz "nihao" and that bugger replied "nihao are you". i cant help it. that was damn random so it was funny.

im not gonna emo. i didnt yest. there were times that i kept thinkin bout de past. esp yest. moreover, emo-ing makes you curse and 'anger' (ahmads style of 'angry'). also, i guess, if i truly love him, i'll just let him be. hes happy that way. and that should matter de most, apart from to love and being loved. that i should be happy that hes happy.

i'll update more so0n. with pics and al.

2005-08-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

im done reducin de no of words for my eom draft 2. headin to comp lab 2 so0n to print. lets home de printer there is werkin.

im still sick. but, whad de hell.

theres meetin for part timers later at 7 at de zo0. linda, our operation executive, wanna meet us. gonna rush from toh tuck man.. hope can go with ahmad. since we're quite near. our scho0ls are quite near i mean.

anywho0s, i went to funan yest wit my bro. de gay one. met up wit my aunt and unca.

okay. bein in de service industry (even though part-timing, i could feel whad de chinese guy who entertained us felt. its like a common belief that Indians give de most trouble. they always want it their way. no offence to those who are indians or lo0k like indians or just an indian by their NRIC. but its true. even an indian friend of mine agrees. but hes an indian whos not so indian coz he doesnt drink nor smoke. anw, back to de chinese guy. hes de salesman at this shop, matrix, at funan. my unca (hes indian with an indian nationale) bargaind like hell man. i guess de chinese guy was pissd. well, for times like this only that im gonna say "indians are kick ass" i really wanna thank my unca especially, and not forgettin my aunt who married him, for bein s0 Singaporean - evrything also want.

p/s: busu, if you're readin this, im really thankful for yest and dont take this entry as me bein rude. i am like this always. love you guys.

well, being single for 3 months and 2 days really paid off. freakin well i must say. lots of new stuf comin my way. i'll post pics once ive installd my broadband. alas.. broadband. saviour to dialup cockups. actually, dialup is not that bad.

gonna chomp chomp chomp chomp. but before that, gonna print eom crap.

Have a Green Day ahead!

i had a dream that i met him. actually, i was ith him again. butt.. i dont know. we werent together. arh.. weird dream la basically. and musa's template is friggin nice la.

god. this aint helpin. just recieved a worksheet of some sort on accountin and de submittin date is damn nice la.. 2nd sept.

i think im gonna emo so0n.

not so green a day anymore.

2005-08-19T02:57:00.000+08:00

ive wantd to blog in yest but my freakin comp just had to screw me.

anw, as promised, im gonna showcase my scondary scho0l standard poem. i still like it so whadever. it was supposed to be me-related butt.. whad de hell..

those words you said
crashed down my world
the anger, the hate
"ive got a new girl"

noone knows the pain inside
smithereens, my broken heart
every night i cried and cried
i need someone to hold me tight

"a brand new life
a brand new day"
well, heck
thats whad they'll say

i would be able to live my life
if only those words were true
but, its not happening, why?
cause im still longin for you

"a brand new life
a brand new day"
well, heck
thats whad they'll say

and so i tie a no0se around
my neck, to end it all
pain, betrayal and love, so profound
"Go0dbye my love" and now, i'll fall

well, pretty lame. but it to0k me so long to complete it. alas, it was done 4 days ago, de entire poem. at 12:07am.

im still sick. yest was de worst. well, 2 days ago to0. tis cold is bad. and my cough is developin despite drinkin de cough syrup. yes, drinkin. anw, gonna chao and do my eom draft 2, which was supposed to be handed in today.

gettin new comp so0n. depends though. de elders (sounds like Charmed) wants me to get a laptop instead. well, whadever.

god. im soundin like estya. she's my secondary scho0l mate which i met yest in 74 when i was headin home from dance prac. yes, i didnt go scho0l and ura trip but i went for dance. well, thats me. de least important are de best.

suppose to wish myself this yest but whadever. managed to tell estya my wish though. and she was yeay-ing with me. whad ever. (god. i better stop whadever-ing)

3 months of SINGLEho0d!!! yeay!
im coping and livin my life to de fullest.

2005-08-16T04:50:00.000+08:00

i had wanted to do my eom draft 2 now. but i realised that ive not collabo de stuffs yet. my new source.

anw, im kinda zonkd out now. just sorta woke up from my 3 min nap.

ive got menstrual cramps.

i went to a relatives house to get massaged at yest. she massaged my abdomen area. told ahmad that if it was him, he would have kickd de auntie.

well, i worte a lil something yest. it was suppose to be me-related butt.. whad de hell.

oh.. maybe i'll type it out in 2 days time. more meanin and impact.

im headin to compass point from scho0l. wanna get a new water bottle and a rubber band. for de hair. its calld a rubber band right? or is it a hair band?
ah! wtf.

oh btw, im takin up japanese and mandarin classes for free! yeay!! its due to de increase in japanese visitors to de zo0.

im leavin scho0l now.
arent you guys jealous.

2005-08-12T04:41:00.000+08:00

i dint do my accounts test. coz i dont know a single shit how to.

i ended up readin hanis's ol bloggies. it made me smile.

2005-08-12T03:32:00.000+08:00

im in comp lab 2. suppose to do accounts test now coz my accounts tutor went home due to her neck injury. (hah.like me.) butt.. here i am - bloggin.

nothin much to blog anyway. just that during malay, we had some presentations for Malay Language Month or "Bulan Bahasa". our group did on this ghost n ghouls topic. ija and aini are really monkeys know. they to0k photos in de toilet and there was this long hair thingy bside aini in de pic. they acted like they accidentally caught 'it' on de camera phone. had a feelin that it wasnt really true coz another friend of ours, shahidah, seemd smiley and giggly. it doesnt seem likely of her la coz she lo0k like a faint-heartd kinda person. in de end, these 2 monkeys owned up. de long haird thing must be ameera. but wait, she cut her hair and its shorter now. aah.. must be someone with long hair la.
siti, thats so Duh.

felt kinda dumb after knowin but hey, al of us were gullible. well, most of us. we were skeptic bout it yo0 though. damn stupid la.

im goin toa payoh later after scho0l. ahmad might join me. burthday boy, be perpared. im so gonna rembat you. no no.. im so gonna tickle you. hah!

and i dont stink anymore.

2005-08-12T01:51:00.000+08:00

im left with 12 mins of break before my malay lesson. coz blogger had some maintenance thingy goin on just now. and i havent bathe.

i stink. i had pe. badminton module. playd with khai. he's irritatin at times. half of de time. maybe im rather stoned today. kinda weak. slept at 3. watchd tru calling on channel 5. wasnt sleepy coz i woke up like around 11 plus yest mornin. so yeah.

10th august 05
went to study at 3 plus with aisyah d. and farhana(classmate). but they left at 5 and i continud to on to complete my malay compo till ard 6 and went o acmes stationery shop before headin home. quite slack my day.

9th august 05
werkd on national day. then we went to yishun to eat, instead of watchin de parades and firewerks. then all of us except benji rushd to johans place to catch full circle. johan thot we were in time for sho0tin stars. thats whad i thot to0. wantd to go benjis place but he has 2 Milos. i dont mind even though i think i'll kinda freak out evrytime they bark. ya ya only siti...
to0k cab home. ahmad was imitatin me whine (i dont whine) coz i dont wanna be late for home again. didnt get any scoldins anyway.

8th august 05
i skippd scho0l on monday. no point goin anyway. plus akbar told me just now that de concert sucks. cant recall whad i did on that day. btw, my neck was hurtin like hell. definitely due to de fall. had it so bad on saturday when i was werkin. and ahmad imitated me!! when i laugh my neck hurts so i have to cup both my hands around my neck to sort of support and reduce de pain when i laughd. and he made fun of me.

6th august 05
last saturday i werkd for half day coz freakin kuz couldnt relace me. told me like de night before! i obviously was sorta pissd la. i had my plans de next day (had to watch a video for my malay project). butt... im co0l. so after werkd met up with my friends in 132. me n aisyah.d went to eat at lucky plaza while de rest go their own way. then we met up with rashid who brought us to substation. went for de punk gig and we were startled when we saw de way they 'dance'. only at de end of de night did i know that it was calld mosh. heard of it before, but didnt know it meant somethin. anyway, i thot it was sto0pid when we were just seatd but then when we dcided to leave rashid said that their friends band, murder by ska, (rashids n aisyah.ds friend) was about to play so0n. their songs were nice, for a punk punk band. i moshed myself with 2 other year 1s that we saw. it was a crazy yet exhiliratin feelin. then i wantd to feel like a rock star. i just wantd to be carried and with rashids help, de punkers in de pit carried me!! damn co0l la!!! i told myself, "if they can carry a guy, why not me? im like 44kg only la". and as easy as they carry me, it was also that easy that i fell. yup! i fell. head first. then de back of my right shoulder blade. then my torso and lastly my legs. and for a moment i was in a dazed and i just stared at de faces thats lo0kin down at me. they were nice people la. they brought me up to my feet and askd whether i was ok. i told them that i was, even though i wasnt. hahahah... its once in a lifetime thing. must experience la. thats why i dcided to do al de sto0pid things. just to experience it

tattoo!
Originally uploaded by snabs.

mine
Originally uploaded by snabs.

in de bus after gig, without specs
Originally uploaded by snabs.

in bus after gig, with specs
Originally uploaded by snabs.

moshin myself before bein carried
Originally uploaded by snabs.

murder by ska guitarist
Originally uploaded by snabs.

lead guitarist
Originally uploaded by snabs.

bassist, i think
Originally uploaded by snabs.

drummer, aisyah.ds friend
Originally uploaded by snabs.

cant rmbr de band name, but guitarist/vocalist is a babe! shes gewd!
Originally uploaded by snabs.

before my moshin and bein carried experience, still didnt know whad de hell they were doin yet
Originally uploaded by snabs.

tired
Originally uploaded by snabs.

sweet babe!
Originally uploaded by snabs.

heartbroken pose
Originally uploaded by snabs.

aisyah.ds. but we shared still!
Originally uploaded by snabs.

next on de list of once in a lifetime experience: clubbin.

ahmad said that if he was there at de gig and saw me fell, he'll laugh at me.
he also advised that i shouldnt go clubbin coz its addictive. so ironic of ahmad.

btw, ive taken nearly half and hour of my malay lesson. im screwd.

HAPPY BURTHDAY AHMAD! dah legal la kan.. aper.

2005-08-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

eom was dued yest. i was absent.

went to dental clinic cause my to0th hurts. i knew i had a hole somewhere. had cleanin and a temporary fillin done. and ive got to undergo surgery so0n to remove both of my lower wisdom to0th.

not gonna werk tmrw. gonna go out and have fun. lets hope i do have fun.

dance later on. dance is therapeutic. even if its for a moment.

my parents still havent meet my tutor. wonder how shitty my results are. have a feelin i get 1a and 3fs. can anyone beat that?!

im a loser.

btw, fyi, theres nothin goin on between me and ahmad.

2005-08-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

im feelin fucking FUCKD up today.

and i dont know why.

2005-08-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

went out with ahmad to town yest. then accidentally met johan n sara at ps. ate at bk when i saw another johan, his from my sec sch. bk playd de most emo kememo songs. left de lover bees. me and ahmad went back since it was too late to go mustapha, where ahmads clan is. well, didnt really went back coz we slackd at de joggin area a few blocks bhind mine.

and he punchd me in de face. seriously.

2005-08-03T04:24:00.000+08:00

i just realised why i couldnt hear whad de doc said.

he wore a mask.

2005-08-03T04:21:00.000+08:00

yesterday night i went to de doc with my mom. had urine test to check whether i was pregnant. didnt know that havin long period of menses could mean that im pregnant.

de result: negative.

THANK GOD.
i was fuckin nervous when i got to know of de fact that long periods could be because of pregnancy. well, ive never done it but you'll never know how intimacy can somewhad lead to somewhere close to that. get whad i mean?

well, i for sure got de wrong meanin of whad de doc said yest. this was whad happened.

doc: (received my urine sample from his assistant and stared at his palm which laid de tester. i already told him that i dont think im pregnant) its one nine. if two nine, its positive. one nine, negative.

me: oh okay. (inside my heart: God! Thank God! Oh God.. i was fuckin relieved)

de doc was starin at his palm cause my pee was on his hand! wahahahahhahahhahahahaha.

doc said somethin else bout referrin me to specialist.. yada yada... then we're done. paid 2 bucks for a piece of referal paper and de counsellin.

outside clinic, i askd my mom whether he said one nine or one nine nine (199). this was when i found de sad truth about myself.

mom: i thot he said one line. two lines if positive.

im a blardie sto0pid fucker.

i then recalld seein one pink horizontal line on de tester. two lines (one vertical de other horizontally over de former) if you're positive. and i recalld seein such things in de pharmacy de other time me n hanis went to check on those pregnancy test thingies. we just when to check. nothing happened. im negative.

ahmad has been irritatin me since this morn. no, wait, it was since last night. anyway, i told him i hope he slip and fall and crack his skull later durin his match. he hope that i freeze to death in this library.
bugger.

feel like goin out after scho0l to shop. wanna get new pencilcase since my mom wants my current one. ends at 3.45 today coz no gp coz my hts relative passd away. condolence to her. no malay just now coz cikgu nvr come. had to do some werk though. those in my class not takin accounts can go home durin lunch at 1.3opm. fucks.

eom yet to do.

2005-08-01T01:53:00.000+08:00

my existence in scho0l today is fuckin pointless, apart from seein people noticin my new watch. hah. i skippd all my accounts lessons, which is de only lesson i have today since my ht is absent = no gp. i need to rest me eyes so0n before i get myopia. (which i think i already have)

anw, my main reason to type another entry for today is to comment on boys/guys who came from single sex secondary scho0ls.
i think being deprive from girls durin their secondary scho0l days really have an adverse effect on them. these guys, who i know quite a handful, are very emo and depressed people. mayb im generalisin since i know these people whom all came from de same sec scho0l, except for one or two from an independent sch. basically, i think they really have problems copin with life right now. all of their blogs states almost related issues. i know that im not any better than them la but its like.. sigh. i dont know how to put it in werds. just check out dont people whom you know fits these 'descriptions'. you'll realise that im not crappin.

ouch. my eyes are hurtin. i think im really myopic. and i know that i spelt that wrongly.

now is break. gonna eat. goin home early today then see a doctor. my mom wants me to see de doctor. she said she wants me to be sterilised. yeay.

fucks.

2005-07-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

ahmad is an ass.

he's freakin irritatin. kept callin me de 'm' werd. damn babi.

and he friggin screwd my hands!!!! ive noticed tis morn at de traffic junction that ive got a bruise. thanks to muscle-man-but-with-freakin-girlie-fingers-and-who-cannot-tahan-pokins ahmad. Mat ahMad.

im skippin accounts lect. no mood to study!!! sch ends at 1.3o for me today. btw, i was late. but i stayd in class and found out that my ht didnt come!! wow!!! and i actually plannd to be late since it was left with 5 mins to assembly and im like 4o0m away from sch. so i to0k my time, bought curry bread and a coffee caramel banana drink and stroll my way to sch. hah! go0d day ahead.

yest was fun. ahamd made me laugh de whole night. we actually talkd for 2 hrs plus and ended up reachin home at 12.30am with a fkin sore hands. we wrestled. and he fkin kickd me!!!!!!!!
bugger.

johan, if you're readin this, really sorry to leave you man. on my part, i honestly had wantd to reach home early since i reachd home at 12midnight as well on saturday, but we ended up crappin. i didnt feel like goin home yet but thot draggin myself home would help. or at least, bein back in hougang instead of lot 1 or town, would give me a drive to be home faster. anw, so sorry. i bet you think im 'bubble'ing. i am sorry still.

on a happier note, ive gotten my retro black adidas watch!!!! yippee!!!
but its lo0se. well, practically alot of things dont fit me. dont imagine.

i emoed for a mere 1 min yest. then ahmad, he either couldnt sense that im serious or just didnt want me to carry on emoing, decided to joke. it did helpd. he practically dint allow me to wallow in my sorrows at all la. everytime im quiet, we're quiet, after a pause, he'll start crappin and callin me de 'm werd. urgh! damn fucker la he. but it was really a nice gesture la. i truely appreciate de company despite gettin a lecture at 1 plus till 2 somethin. thanks Mat/Mad.

why does it seem like im bloggin about ahmad today?
i dont know. maybe im just happy that he actually taggd/stalkd/followd me home. im happy that he sat down and crap with me. i really appreciated that. maybe i truly needed someone who can lend me a listenin ear. to see me emo. see me go crazy. see me smile. see me laugh. see me happy. i just needed someone at night.

kay.... that last bit sounds wrong. arh... you guys know whad i mean.

thanks ahMat. you just wait till de 11th la for your treat.

2005-07-29T08:23:00.000+08:00

ive got 4 new posts here and 178 ol posta in my dead blog. am so tempted to read de past entries. but i guess im gonna emo then, which is not go0d. not worth it. since hes pissd off with whad happened de other time and im pissd with him al as well. i wanna curse but thats to0 much. so, whadever.

came late this morn for scho0l. i was at de divider of de road and then de bus 62 left since i couldnt cross due to de cars passin by. so i was contemplatin whether i shud run to de other side of de field to catch 8o (i wasnt even sure if it was 8o there at de traffic junction) or withdrew money from de very nearby atm machine to catch a cab to scho0l. then i think again and its just not worth it. wastin my cash for time. despite de fact that my late comins will somehow somewhad be in my report bo0k or worse, my testimonial. butt... whadever. its just not worth it la and decided to wait for de bus. then 161 came and sort of wishin that de bus behind it was 62... which actually is! so i was like mumbled to myself "see.. its not worth it".
lucky lucky me..
i was still late but because i was with farhana (classmate) who happened to board de same bus im on coz de one she boarded before broke down, she had a ticket to prove herself. and i just 'share' her excuse la. duh. but still...... we had to d some cip crap. we had to sweep de audi which was speckless. (is there even such a werd)

theres dance today. yeay! our dance is kawaaii!! its like a doll dance. its different la which is go0d.

i had a feelin he has a lil on de Dominance behavioral style as well.

anw, ahmads gonna buy for me de retro adidas watch!!!!!!

hes gonna pay for me first la since ive still not yet gotten my pay. so0n la.. like, next week or so. yeay!!

fuck.. my happiness was short-lived. my friend just said that weve got an aq ques to be handed up by gp period today. fucks.

hmm... somehow i like to see de f werd on my blog. call me cray but i find it nice. just de werds, with or without de meanin..

fucks.

and its better in plural.

2005-07-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

todays okay.

. i had pe. badminton module. i went to de beginners side despite knowin how to hit de ball. i mean de cock. de shuttlecock.

. i bathed. just wet myself to get rid of de smell. was refreshd, for a while. for im still dazy now since i slept/dozed off for de last 1o mins or so of accounts class.

. oh. city chain msgd me sayin that de Green retro adidas watch is here. contemplatin whether to get black or green. i already own a green adidas watch which is very lady-like. its like a bangle you see. so.. im still thinkin. i intend to wait for ahmads return from kl, from his rugby thingy. wanna buy de watch with him. theyve got 2o% discount for 2 retro watches.. how great a deal is that?

. i feel like skippin geog later. but... sigh.. nvr mind. i didnt bring any notes or whad have yous. esp for accounts just now. i had to share with akbar. well, he had to share my stationeries to0.

. oh have you guys ever feel this way..
you have thought off doin somethin but not at that time yet so you just keep it to yourself. but then others come later (next moment/day/week etc) to bug/remind/nag etc you about de exact same thing. its damn irritatin know. its like they dont trust me. like they dont think i understand or be responsible enough. whad de...

. oh yest durin htp period in sch, this bunch of peeps came my scho0l to tell us how to manage stress. and one of de host is donita ross's husband!! eric! not that i know them or their groupy or craps la.. but ive read about her and how they met and eventually got together in a mag (i think its a mag). basically, i just felt that i could relate or.. ah. i dont know whad de feelin was la. just..... sigh. nvm. i dont know how to say it.
anyway, they had this slideshow presentation and there was one slide that shows a girl with de statement " i cant take this anymore ". yeah. something like that. its about stress. that particular slide had an impact on me. i was starin at de slides and when i saw that particular one, my body somewhad jerkd a lil. it sounded so me. thats when i startd thinkin bout hanis. just something that both of us could relate to. and they had this DISC Behavioral Styles.

Dominance
they are: Direct, Decisive, Competitive, Independent, Confident peeps.
goal: Results, Authority, Control
motivation: Challenges

helpful tips: seek physical stress release (eg. sports) or
express dissatisfaction directly

be careful: 1. with de words used and tone of dissatisfaction expressed
2. not to over-emphasis on de results and neglect de process/relationships
3. to have reasonable targets/expectations

Influence
they are: Friendly, Enthusiastic, Outgoing, Sociable, Emotional peeps.
goal: people of Recognition, Approval
motivation: Interaction

helpful tips: talking to others or
confront de issues at hand or
verbal encouragement from friends

be careful: 1. not to take criticism of work personally
2. not to build identity based on other's acceptance
3. learn when its appropriate to confront issues in relationships

Steadiness
they are: Sincere, Dependable, Loyal, Supportive, Considerate peeps.
goal: Stability, Security
motivation: Cooperation

helpful tips: seek support from friends or
sleeping

be careful: 1. not to escape your problems/issues
2. not to avoid conflicts when its more helpful to work them out

Conscientiousness
they are: Cautious, By-the-bo0k, Analytical, Orderly, Perfectionist peeps.
goal: Precise, Accurate, Order, Perfection
motivation: Quality, Correctness

helpful tips: tune out stress or
be alone

be careful: 1. not to be pessimistic
2. not to have unrealistic expextatons of yourself

well.. im a High I. had 5 out of 7 words related to influence. and 3 out of 8 related to steadiness. its like so true la.

and hanis is a mixture of conscientiousness and steadiness. hes definitely both of that. and maybe, a lil on de influence.

i gotta go and do my pw craps.

oh. im learnin japs on my own. wanna borrow a bo0k from tamp lib. see how la.

hajimemashite. learnt that in sec2 i think. went some japs boys and girls came to s'pore and we had this interaction thingy. i was a peer support leader before a student councillor.

oh. this comp lab is gettin packd. better go now.

2005-07-28T01:36:00.000+08:00

lets update bout whad that has happened in my life so far.

. i skippd scho0l for 2 days. just didnt feel like comin. and i didnt emo.

. i got my physical geog papers just now. got an ao pass of 32/90 despite not doin 3 drqs at all. which is quite amazin i must say since i lost 30 marks yet still manage to pass. and i got 17/25 for my hydro essay. another achivement.

. my sort of major improvement has got to be my malay a and human geog papers. i attempted all malay a questions needed and left out 2 one mark questions plus a part b of another question for my human geog. thats.. alot of improvement. esp for human geog. now, i just need to manage my time for physical.

. think i faild gp. its so obvious. i dint come yest and the rest got back their paper. so obvious i faild. since ive never passd once.

. im damn happy today. this mornin to be exact. i found my black wristband that i thot ive lost!!! yeay!! it was de best way to start my day!

. suppose to go sentosa today. i mean later after scho0l. theres track trainin and mr chua wants me to try. nah.. not goin for todays trainin. ive got dance today as well. besides, im gonna be very weak by de end of de day. not that im gonna emo or anythin. im on some religious procedure. nevermind.

. hmm... went for rapture with farhana. my class farhana. well, ive got another farhana - dance farhana. anyway... rapture was go0d! thank god farhana enjoyd de whole show too. we had pretty go0d seats. we were at de top flo0r so everythin lo0ks damn nice! de breakdancers were co0l!!! i like their teachers to0. sportin bunch.

. ive realised yest that im gonna lose ard 2o0 plus dollars because of cpf. god! thats alot.. cause my pay for last month wasnt bankd in this month so its gonna brought forward to next months. that means im gonna get double pay which will roughly be around 90o plus or so. more than 50o cpf will be deductd from our pay. so damn crappy la! urgh! my stoopid fault la. dint gave de seniors my bank bo0k earlier. stewpid.

. oh. went out with ahmad and mahen on monday. dont know whad to do. suppose to slack la. end up watchin fantastic 4. its my 2nd time watchin that show though. i made myself sat in between them just so they wont talk to themselves and leave me one corner. just realised now that it made them very quiet. you can count de number of times we actually spoke. hah! and oh! i saw syaheed, hanis's bro. he actually waved at me. friendly fella. luckily still nice to me despite whadever that had happend. i dont think he saw ahmad and mahen. well, they dint see him though. all these Big & Tall people dont notice each other huh.. hey. Big & Tall.. its in de F4 (fantastic 4) movie as well. hahah.. F4. so 'manjen'. but it was in de movie. someone hold a cardboard with 'F4' on it. so cheena.

. hmm.. national day. my class gonna do a very weird but co0l performance i must say. but it depends whether we've got enough people. we intend to do dikir barat. but not just any dikir barat. its gonna be fusion. in english but with de different dialects - chinese, indian, malay and normal english. so its gonna be quite mat/manjen/mama-ish. damn funny. de manjen (chinese) one we intend to do like de 'wayang' kind. like de Achar intro. hah! hope de rest agrees.

. i do not like my new template that much. still love my ol one on my dead blog. very emo and meaninful. but.. like my previous post states, God is not wantin me to emo. which is.. so far, so go0d. gonna keep myself busy.

. i wanna buy i-pod!!!

. im contemplatin though. creative neeon is pretty co0l and a tad cheaper than i-pod minis current price. de neeon has a voice recorder and fm radio. and i love one particular stik-on. its black with luminous green and yellow! God. its damn nice. but i like i-pods click wheel and de flatness. its damn compact and slim la. (like me) yeah right.

. i wanna donate my blo0d for de blo0d donation drive tis comin august, if its confirmd. but im still afraid of Pains and Needles. two of my fears. but im also underweight. which is kinda go0d yet bad since i usually cant but still wanna help. hah. im crappin.

. my class farhana said that on 11 people passd for mid year. not sure promoted or advanced. ive not used my 'advanced' entry. okay, whad i mean is that if i dont do well, i can be advanced to next year because i was promoted last year. but for those of them who advanced to this year, they cant be pushd forward again. damn scary la. i dont wanna retain coz i'll be doin an extra year but i dont mind retainin as well because i'll be in de new campus in 20o7 which have all de best facilities!!! a sports lab! how co0l is that! only sports cho0l and nus (if im not wrong) have these labs. its uber co0l la! 2 dance ro0ms, 8 lane tracks and other f-king go0d stuffs!!! only turn-off factor is de distance. its at bukit batok! ive got to wake up like 5 evryday!!

oklah. my friends are here. gonna slack with them now. enjoy your day peeps. Have a Green day!

2005-07-23T06:17:00.000+08:00

I think God is givin me hints that he doesn’t want me to be emo all de time. This was why I think my new template did not appeared after editin and such. De template, basically, was about broken promises. Its damn obvious that im still not over it al la. There were a few other emo-ish templates that I was considerin as well. But then, when I viewd my new blog, its was blank. Nada. Just white background. Was pissd initially and everythin seems wrong. But as I was on my way home just now, I guess it was a sign from God. He still loves me and He does not want me to be so sad and depressed al de time.

Therefore, im usin a brighter and funkier template.

Its ironic though. My blog add is calld punkchaste. Maybe this is just me but I think that name just seems so dark and always full of angst. Well, I find it ironic. Even if it means nothin to you.

This template would go very well with my other weblog, greenct.blogspot. Buttt... That was history.

Actually i dont intend to be wordy. Its gonna be more pics. For now, feast your eyes on de stripes.

and that friggin abnormal Green Day photo.

2005-07-22T12:05:00.000+08:00

new beginnings, 22nd July 2005. but de template shows otherwise. anyway, WelcomeTo My LIfe.