profiler

snabs;
aprilfools;
lonely;

likes

couplewatchin
emo-ing
feelinhurt

hate

mylife

credits

layout- blackdust; joanne
picture- prayforthissuicide
brushes- dubtastic; eerie silence
please don't take off the credits (:

Monday, April 20, 2009

why do ppl usually use de phrase, "if its meant to be, its meant to be" for ideologies of love.
why cant we tell ppl tt tis applies to other things too. say, our dreams.
why noone emphasize tt dreams can happen if its meant to happen. if ppl can put so much effort in dreams, why not love?
why so confident tt u can get back or get love again?
why so confident tt love hinders dream?
why so confident tt we can be truly happy without love?
why am i being a prick?
why am i unhappy always?

i need to love my dream.

(1143, in nel)

always alone @ 12:28:00 PM

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

im uncontrollable.
im cryin every second im alone.
in trains. at home. in school.
everywhere.
i need to go overseas.
get away rom all tis pain.
i cannot live any longer if tis goes on....

always alone @ 12:20:00 PM

Monday, April 13, 2009

im losin control.
im breakin down whenever and everywhere.
at least he'll be at home most of de time. but I have werk. i cant teach if im not stable!

i so badly need a break. a long one. one that i can just be alone and not be bothered abt de werld. abt de mechanics of livin. just think and think and think abt my screwd up life!

its so dificult to keep myself in check w THIS werld. i have to think of OTHERS and their feelins. how i might REALLY screw up my future. how I need to move on! its so FUCKIN difficult.

i hope hes happy. that im FUCKIN MISERABLE. why cant u just change ur FUCKIN MIND like how u changed ur FUCKIN HEART.

well, i guess u no longer have a heart. which speaks volume.

im not strong. i can pretend to be. and when de curtain really falls down, im back to bein me. weak.


AND DONT FUCKIN THINK THAT IM NOT TRYIN! IM FUCKIN TRYIN YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE. YOU FUCKIN JERK. DONT YOU EVER DARE TO THINK I DONT TRY!!!!

always alone @ 12:12:00 PM

Sunday, April 12, 2009

its as though youre purposely hurtin me. im fuckin miserable each second. im rude to my family.



FUCKKKKK!!!
ive GOT to hold on! cos YOURE NO LONGER WORTH DE PAIN.


FUCK YOU HANIS. FUCK YOU.

always alone @ 3:34:00 PM

youve TOTALLY changed and i no longer know you.
im not gonna wait and hurt somemore.
im gonna settle down with whoever that fancies me.
im gonna get sufiyan.
once i have him, i know he'll stay till de end.

just dont blame me Again. have fun living your Single and Fun life. more Mat stuffs to try dude. have your fun! tis was whad YOU wanted anyway.

always alone @ 4:55:00 AM

you dont have to go offline everytime i come online!
fuckin subtle. good job.

always alone @ 4:36:00 AM

i just did smtg and i dont feel gd. it reminded me of old times and it suckd. i just had to do it if not whads de point aft goin thru many websites. it didnt last and it made me feel even sicker.

it made me missd our old times. how i loved de way he treatd me. with love and passion. and heart.

i need to eat my meds soon. im feelin suicidal right now..

always alone @ 4:21:00 AM

i love sittin one corner like a true blue minah and just ppl watch.

i realise i really hate anythin tts related to gigs, music, musicians, gigs, BANDS, concerts, fuckin gigs and many many people in black lookin all poser-ish. it FUCKIN irks me. FUCKIN SICK OF IT!!!!!

once a while okaylah. but constantly.. damn fuckn irritatin. just seein it. THANK GOD my gfs are sane ppl. we are minahs in our own way. de less poser-ish i-wanna-be-a-rockstar way.

fuckin gigs. fuckin life.

gettin pissd is de best way to live my life now. i need a fuckin release sooon!!!! sufiyan where r you!!!!!

always alone @ 2:31:00 AM

Friday, April 10, 2009

life truly sucks. everywhere i go, i see couples. holdin hands, givin each others pecks on de cheeks, huggin each other tightly, laughin at each other, smilin to each other, lookin at each other w so much passion and love.
wheres de love, right?

sighh. its just so difficult. i dont want to be near him anymore. i just want to stay away. bcos bein so near yet so far is FUCKIN FRUSTRATIN! i just feel sooooooooooo inadequate! like, is smtg Wrong with me? why dont i have you?? like sighhh...

soeffinfuckdup.

all i can do know is exhale. and loudly too! thats whad ive realised. its bcomin a bad habit and too obvious. i need to start pretendin. u dont always get whad u want when u bite a chocolate from a box of mixes rightt? so yeah. i have my ups and downs. but mainly downs. LOTS of it.

i need to try my best to stay away. not that hes TRYIN now anyway. to be a friend. a Best friend. how dare he actally thinks that way! when we dont talk and share anythin tgt! so fuckin messd up!

he'll get pissd if i say tt hes usin me. but isnt he!!? for one, maybe he isnt bcos hes NOT tryin to be friends. thats obvious, so i guess he always DOES have his reasons. hes always managed to coverup his ass. hes always managed to be soo nice.
is there even SUCH a person?! like nat used to tell me, nobody/no guy is that nice. smtg along those werds.
maybe there isnt. maybe otherwise.


SIGHHH. FUCKIN FUCKD UP!!!!!!!

always alone @ 11:50:00 PM

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

ive moved!!! www.snabsism.blogspot.com

always alone @ 5:22:00 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2005

im doin opr duty now. discreetly bloggin even though im at the reception area la.




.i miss hanis.



i want my reward!!!

always alone @ 12:52:00 PM